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November 2, 2022
Vanessa A. Bee's Playlist for Her Memoir "Home Bound"
In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book.
Previous contributors include Jesmyn Ward, Lauren Groff, Bret Easton Ellis, Celeste Ng, T.C. Boyle, Dana Spiotta, Amy Bloom, Aimee Bender, Roxane Gay, and many others.
Vanessa A. Bee's memoir Home Bound is an innovatively told and engaging exploration of her personal definition of "home."
Publishers Weekly wrote of the book:
"What emerges is a rich and enthralling story of finding oneself outside of the bounds of borders and beliefs. This offers radiant hope in the face of darkness."
In her own words, here is Vanessa A. Bee's Book Notes music playlist for her memoir Home Bound:
I was always lousy at keeping diaries growing up. To be honest, I hardly saw the point. Who knew that I would someday feel compelled to better understand what home means to me, a person adopted out of Cameroon as a baby, raised by working-class parents in France, England, and the United States, then, being embraced by evangelical Christianity in my teens, and married at twenty years old, before ditching both faith and husband while attending Harvard Law School?
Working on the book that emerged from this exploration—a memoir titled Home Bound: An Uprooted Daughter’s Reflections on Belonging that you should definitely check out!—I leaned on music to unlock past emotions, and in the process, loosen memories. Cape Verdean mornas that my mom played on our way to work the outdoor markets in Lyon. Cameroonian Makossa that my cousin Joyce and I fell in love with, that one summer in Madrid. The American hip-hop and R&B that provided the soundtrack to my high school years. Then, to actually sit and write the thing: big-hearted atmospheric tracks from the likes of Adrianne Lenker, Sufjan Stevens, Beach House, and Nicholas Britell, The resulting playlists were—are—as eclectic as the identities I wore as I changed homes.
Given music’s superpower to breathe life into recollections, making a Spotify playlist as a complement to the memoir only seemed right. The songs I chose loosely reflect the moods and themes as the book progresses, although I did a bit of thematic rearranging as well. Below are annotations for a handful of them. If you ever pick up Home Bound, may these songs help draw you closer into my world.
SEASONS (WAITING ON YOU) by Future Islands
While I did not set out to write about yearning for forefathers and searching for myself in them, it was the book I needed to write to move on to another season of life, past the grief of losing a father I did not know. The lyrics are simple, and are probably about a romantic love, but I find they capture the feeling of being hung up so, so well. Besides, I really dig Samuel Herring’s voice—it’s assertive, grave, like it should belong to someone decades older. Bonus points for Future Islands hailing from Baltimore. (I currently live in DC.)
GOT TIL IT’S GONE by Janet Jackson
Describing this favorite music video of mine for Guernica magazine, in a 2020 essay adapted from my book, I wrote: “As Jackson croons onstage, the dance floor comes alive with motion. It is an ode to Blackness in sepia, with the full spectrum of undertones represented, midnight blue to albino paleness … Safe from the white gaze, the people move with abandon and tenderness. This room is made for them; it is free. As the video draws to an end, Alek Wek appears—her head bald and skin a ripe black. The yellow stereoscope she holds covers most of her face. Inside her lens, a man stands tall, chest puffed with pride. Wek lowers the stereoscope down, recasting herself from observer to observed. She smiles serenely. This was the first time I ever saw her. It was the summer of 1997 and I was nine years old.”
SURVIVAL by Adult Mom
I love the first verse of this song, which goes: I don’t know if my mom loves me anymore / She says that I am changing, I am not what she bargained for / I set fire to abusers like a war, I am a terror / But I don’t know what it is I fight for. At the time this song was heavily in rotation, during most of 2016 and 2017, I felt rooted in my leftist politics. The effect was a gradual rift from my parents and their conservative beliefs, causing tension in our relationship. That opening line always hit home. In a note unrelated other than by this song, street harassment felt to me like it was on the rise in DC at the time. I was probably listening to Survival when a man assaulted me inside my neighborhood metro station, on the night I went to see the band play at a local venue.
MARCHE by Taïro, Kool Shen, Akhenaton, Disiz, Nessbeal, Still Fresh, S.Pri Noir, Lino, Nekfeu, Sadek, Soprano, Dry
I am not sure whether this is well known in the US but France has a rich hip-hop history, significantly influenced by the experiences of being first or second generation immigrants, people of color ‘othered’ on a social and economic level. Marche was inspired by the country’s 2005 riots. It’s gritty, relentless. If their French sounds different than when President Macron drones on television—no offense to him!—it’s because it’s hood French, the sort kids spoke in the restless housing project where I lived with my mom for a couple of years. I chose Marche for this reason, and also because its unwieldy number of collaborators is great for showcasing a slice of French rap.
MATONGI by Extra Musica
Growing up in the '90s, Zaïko music was king of Francophone Africa. It’s vibrant, rhythmic, and layered with Latin influences. There’s often a choral element and after the bridge, a distinct shift with drums and guitar picking up, leaving you little choice but to get on your feet. Classically, each track lasts a small eternity. A lot of Zaïko made it to Europe in these low-quality VHS tapes of concert footage and cheap music videos, so you could see how your shoulders and hips were supposed to follow the beat. Matongi embodies that chaotic energy flawlessly (that includes the clearly unintentional 15 seconds of silence at the beginning of the track). Listening to it, I am reminded of summers in the Spanish heat, standing next to the cousin who felt like a sister to me, our eyes glued to the TV as we learned to roll our hips lewdly to the sound of our mothers’ continent. Bliss!
AS by George Michael and Mary J. Blige
Did people lose their minds when this duet dropped? If not, they should have. What an absolutely perfect marriage of '80s Brit pop and '90s American R&B. I remember feeling so full of hope when it first came out in 1999, the year that my mom and I left France for England in search of greener pastures. More than twenty years later, this cover of Stevie Wonder still stirs something in me every time. Each artist stays in their lane vocally, yet complements the other on the track. And when they bring in a gospel choir, let’s just say you don’t have to be a believer to see heaven’s gate. The sound alone should lift spirits but the lyrics really take it home for me. It’s about loyalty and passion and making the choice to love who we love. An apt closer for Home Bound, I hope.
Vanessa A. Bee is a consumer protection lawyer and essayist. Born in Cameroon, she grew up inFrance, England, and the United States. Vanessa holds an undergraduate degree from theUniversity of Nevada and a law degree from Harvard. She lives in Washington, DC.
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