In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book.
Lior Torenberg’s novel Just Watch Me is a haunting debut that features a unique and unforgettably complex protagonist, someone you cannot help but root for.
Booklist wrote of the book:
“A bewitching tragicomedy. . . . Dell might have a tenuous hold on reality, but she’s a captivating and endearing narrator. Readers will enjoy this wild ride.”
In her own words, here is Lior Torenberg’s Book Notes music playlist for her debut novel Just Watch Me:
I started writing my debut fiction novel, “Just Watch Me,” deep in the end-of-the-world angst of 2021. By the time it sold in 2024, that angst had culturally coalesced into a brash, angry, unapologetic insistence on living life, leaving us with what quickly became the infamous Brat Summer of 2024.
Charli xcx’s album Brat was released on June 7th, 2024. I sold my book on June 20th. By mid-summer, the album was everywhere. And its angry-funny swagger seemed to mirror exactly what my protagonist Dell Danvers wanted: to be seen entirely and exactly on her own terms.
Dell is, and I say this with love, a total brat.
In all seriousness, there is nothing new about a loud, voicey, chaotic woman. And while the Charli xcx album made her trendy, she is far from a trend. Two years after Just Watch Me was sold, I feel vindicated: we’re not quite sick of her yet, and hopefully we never will be.
Here is a selection of songs from my Just Watch Me, playlist, which you can listen to in full on Avid Reader Press’ Spotify.
“Von dutch” by Charli xcx
I had to include a song from the Brat album here, for obvious reasons (see intro). But I’m limiting myself to one: “Von dutch.”
Charli xcx delivers taut, confident lines that feel part put down and part mantra. “I’m your number one,” she repeats, over and over, telling the listener… or convincing herself?
My protagonist Dell starts a livestream and puts on the persona of mademoiselle_dell. She is her stream’s dungeonmaster. If she doesn’t like a viewer? Blocked. If she doesn’t think someone is donating enough money? Blocked.
And if someone logs off or leaves the stream, she’s… quietly devastated. I imagine “I’m your number one,” playing, insisting, over and over, in the background, as Dell sits in the dark staring at her overly bright laptop screen.
“Venom” by Little Simz
Beneath all her snark and poison, Dell has issues. She is at rock bottom and needs to claw her way out. “Venom” by Little Simz is the perfect anthem for that simultaneous feeling of anger and brokenness. Like an injured animal, Dell whimpers and barks at anyone who comes near or tries to help.
“Venom” rages in all the best ways. Give it a listen and try not to snarl.
“Daisy” by Ashnikko
Dell starts eating hotter and hotter peppers on camera, and her viewers are loving it. They flow in and her donations rocket up. It seems that she is really, really good at this.
“Daisy” by Ashnikko works on two levels. First, it’s an assertive, (wonderfully) obnoxious declaration of power (“Fuck a princess, I’m a king.”). Second, Daisy is Dell’s littler sister’s name. And this has all been for her.
Daisy has been in a coma for months now, and the doctors don’t think she’s going to make it. They want to take her off life support. But Dell and her mom… they know she’s in there. Part of Dell’s livestream manifesto is that she wants to raise money to put Daisy on life support for just one more week.
“Daisies on your nightstand, never forget it.”
“STUPID” by Ashnikko, Baby Tate
One of Dell’s viewers, excelsior404, develops an unhealthy parasocial relationship with her. Because he is her top donor, he feels entitled to a certain level of access to her (“Stupid boy think that I need him.”). And when she doesn’t grant him this access, he loses it, threatening to dox her, reveal her secrets, and ruin her life.
Dell, who doesn’t know when or how to de-escalate, chooses violence.
“I go red hot like a demon / I go ghost for no damn reason.”
“dumb dumb” by mazie
This song’s candy-sweet vocals are juxtaposed with its dismal refrain of “everyone is dumb.”
Dell does think that everyone is dumb, but that sentiment could also be turned inwards. She messed up, did the “dumbest” thing possible, and is now turning her self-loathing outwards at her growing number of viewers, who lap up her insults like insulin.
“Hot Mess” by girli
If you want to dance your way through an anxious spiral, pop this song on. Dell knows that she’s a mess, and she uses that tiny sliver of self-awareness as an excuse for all kinds of horrid and unconscionable behavior.
She’s deep in her performance of mademoiselle_dell, and, finding that she prefers her alternative persona to her real one, the line between authenticity and performance starts to blur.
“Pretty” by Coco & Clair Clair, Okthxbb
Coco & Clair Clair sing-talk like the most bored influencers on the planet, and the repetition of “pretty” starts to feel less like bragging and more like monotone self-soothing. The effect is unsteady and unsettling. “If I die tonight, I’ma make it look pretty.”
Dell is excellent at streaming, and she’s making more money than she ever could have imagined. She might even reach her fundraising goal for Daisy. But underneath all the euphoria and dopamine, she feels numb.
BURN THE WITCH by PVRIS, Tommy Genesis, Alice Longyu Gao
No more monotone! No more numbness! This next song comes in screaming.
The peppers have turned on Dell, and her viewers have turned on her, too. In particular, excelsior404 has decided that he’s done lurking in the shadows and has come to hold her to trial.
But this song turns accusation back on the accuser. Was he not entertained? Did she not give him exactly the experience he wanted? Wasn’t it all a show to begin with?
“Spoke my mind and I got a muzzle.”
Break It Off by PinkPantheress
We’re turning down the volume here at the end. Dell has had the equivalent of a spiritual, physical, and psychological exorcism by fire, and is now left with the dull ache of the week she’s lived through, the people she’s hurt, and the emotions she was trying to avoid all along.
Importantly, unlike the other songs on this playlist, “Break It Off” resists spectacle. Dell is heartbroken but she is no longer performing or commodifying her pain for anyone. This is a quieter, more personal type of heartbreak that she’s going to have to deal with on her own.
“I’m out here thinking about every bad mistake I made.”
Lior Torenberg’s work has been published by One Story, MAYDAY, the Poetry Society of New York, and others. She received her MFA in creative writing from New York University and graduated from the Lighthouse Writers Workshop’s Book Project. Just Watch Me is her first novel. Learn more at LiorTorenberg.com.