In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book.
Heather Sweeney’s Camouflage is a powerful memoir about marriage to (and divorce from) a military spouse and personal rediscovery.
Hippocampus wrote of the book:
“Camouflage: How I Emerged from the Shadows of a Military Marriage (Knox Press; October 2025) by Heather Sweeney is an eye-opening primer on the complexities of military life and the indignities of military divorce, told in an engrossing story of personal growth.”
In her own words, here is Heather Sweeney’s Book Notes music playlist for her memoir Camouflage:
Shortly after I started writing my memoir Camouflage: How I Emerged from the Shadows of a Military Marriage, I found an old iPod my ex-husband gave me as a gift when we were not-so-happily married. Shocked the iPod was still around long after my marriage ended, I plugged it into a charger and watched it come back to life, my carefully curated playlists from a tough time in my life magically appearing to pull me into a time warp of nostalgia.
Music can act as a time machine, and that iPod proved to be exactly that. Thanks to that timely find, I made a playlist of songs to get into the mindset of the events in my memoir. That playlist transported me back in time, allowing me to tap into the emotions and reflections I was writing about.
But once my book was about to be published, I realized my playlist wasn’t the one I wanted to associate with my memoir. Instead of a personal soundtrack – with songs that don’t appear in the book and therefore wouldn’t connect with my readers – I wanted the songs to reflect the vibes of my book.
And the result is the Camouflage Vibes playlist.
“Camouflage,” Selena Gomez
I couldn’t resist leading off the playlist with a song that matches the title of my book. And as soon as I heard Selena Gomez sing, “I got so much shit to say/But I can’t help feeling like I’m camouflage” I knew it was the perfect lead off song to describe how I felt when I first started writing my memoir, the need to get my story down on the page because I could no longer hold in everything I had to say.
“Unwritten,” Natasha Bedingfield
I clearly remember this song playing in my head the day I started writing Camouflage, the lyrics “Today is where your book begins” playing as I named a blank Google doc “Memoir.”
“Let Me Be Myself by Song,” 3 Doors Down
An overarching theme in my memoir is my loss of identity as I spent my marriage trying to be the wife I was supposed to be as a military spouse. This song was on repeat when I started realizing just how lost I’d become, particularly the lyrics, “I left myself behind somewhere along the way/Hoping to come back around to find myself someday.”
“tolerate it,” Taylor Swift
When divorce became a regular thought in my mind, I tried analyzing the lack of partnership I felt within my marriage. And Taylor Swift nailed it when she sings, “I know my love should be celebrated/But you tolerate it.” The lyrics mirror my own mournful awareness of how invisible and unappreciated I felt.
“Brave,” Sara Bareilles
My anthem, this song released at the perfect time, when I wasn’t sure I was brave enough to go through with the divorce. But I repeated these lyrics in my head, and when I showed myself how brave I could be and moved out of my marital home and into an apartment, I blasted this song on repeat for weeks, dancing around my new home that proved my independence.
“Fight Song,” Rachel Platten
Going through a divorce is a battle, and my divorce was no exception. I had to fight for myself, for my kids, and for the happiness I no longer felt in my marriage. This was my “take back my life song.”
“We’re Good,” Dua Lipa
It was a pretty big revelation when I understood “I’d rather be alone” than stay married to my husband. We both knew for a long time the marriage wasn’t working, and finally I couldn’t pretend anymore and decided to “end this like we should and say we’re good.”
“Let It Go,” James Bay
A huge adjustment during divorce is the breaking apart of the “us” mentality and becoming individuals apart from each other. It’s not easy to let it go, but there came a point where I had to figure out who I was without my husband, to just say, “Why don’t you be you/And I’ll be me?”
“Lose You To Love Me,” Selena Gomez
I tried for a long time to be the wife my husband wanted me to be, and when we pursued divorce after years of contemplating it, I truly understood that I wouldn’t find myself and be the woman I wanted to be if I stayed married to a man who didn’t respect me. I also “saw the signs and I ignored it,” another theme sprinkled throughout the book.
“Girl on Fire,” Alicia Keys
This was another dance-around-my-apartment song to boost my confidence that I could successfully start my life over after divorce. I was a girl ready to make some big changes, a girl who was “lonely like a highway” but “she knows she can fly away.”
“Break Free,” Ariana Grande
This is where the playlist takes a turn toward empowerment. This is where that girl on fire transforms into a woman taking action. She’s had enough of living in a bad marriage and has decided not to crawl away quietly but to show her strength and boldly break free from a relationship that’s been holding her back for too long,
“Breakaway,” Kelly Clarkson
The idea of breaking free and breaking away was so pivotal that it deserved another song on this playlist. My life wouldn’t be the same (and my book wouldn’t exist) if I didn’t “make a wish, take a chance, make a change/And break away.”
“The Sign,” Ace of Base
This song was a reminder that even though I was scared of change and life on the other side of divorce, I was so much happier living without someone who caused me so much unhappiness.
“Miss Me More,” Kelsea Ballerini
Once I started down the path of finding myself after divorce, I discovered that I missed myself, missed who I used to be before I got married at a young age. But eventually “I found my independence/Can’t believe I ever lost it.”
“Got My Name Changed Back,” Pistol Annies
My decision to go back to my maiden name after my divorce was an important one. Shedding my married name was an empowering step in rediscovering my identity. I had already been using my maiden name professionally, which exacerbated my identity crisis, so when I made it legal, I felt like I was whole again.
“Me Without You,” Gwen Stefani
I knew my marriage had changed me in both positive and negative ways, in large part due to my desire to live up to the image my husband and his career forced me to become. But after my divorce, I could be whoever I wanted. And I loved who I was becoming without my husband.
“Stronger,” Britney Spears
As a military spouse, I learned many life skills, like how to be flexible and adaptable, how to cope with loneliness, and how to tap into strength I didn’t know I possessed. And I brought these skills with me after I navigated divorce, reminding myself that every day that passed I became “stronger than yesterday,” that I wasn’t just surviving after divorce, I was thriving.
“You Learn,” Alanis Morissette
After my divorce, people asked me all the time if I regretted getting married or if I regretted staying in the marriage as long as I did. And my answer was always no. I try to view hardships as learning experiences because the ups and downs of life have a lot to teach us. As Alanis Morissette sings, “You live, you learn.”
“Flowers,” Miley Cyrus
In my book I write about a marriage retreat my husband and I attended where we learned about the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. When we took a test to see if we knew each other’s love languages, my husband and I failed miserably. We weren’t showing each other love in the manner we each wanted. He never figured out how to love me the way I wanted to be loved, and once we went our separate ways, I discovered “I can love me better than you can.”
“Opalite,” Taylor Swift
This feel-good song released just as I was putting the finishing touches on this playlist, and I instantly knew it was my finale. I don’t want to give any spoilers for my memoir, but it’s no secret there’s a happy ending. This song encapsulates that ending, that my grief for my marriage is long over and in its place is sunshine, freedom, and yes, happiness.
Heather Sweeney is the author of the memoir Camouflage: How I Emerged from the Shadows of a Military Marriage. Her essays and creative nonfiction about life as a military spouse, divorce and relationships, parenting, and women’s health have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, HuffPost, Business Insider, The TODAY Show, Newsweek, Good Housekeeping, Next Avenue, Healthline, Reader’s Digest, Brevity Nonfiction Blog, and elsewhere. Camouflage is her first book.