Tara Sidhoo Fraser’s When My Ghost Sings is a haunting memoir of memory and queer love.
When I write, it is vital that I am listening to music that creates the same feeling that I wish to portray in my own art. In my book, When My Ghost Sings: A Memoir of Stroke, Recovery and Transformation, it was important to tap into the lyrical, melancholy of my life before, during and after my stroke. Some of the songs also helped my connect to my ghost. Dustin O’halloran and Yann Tiersen are artists that have been present in my life for many years. When writing about my past and the emotional aspect of memory their tunes were present and helped me remember certain emotions. This playlist is a taste of Ghost and my current self musically.
1) “La valse d’Amelie-Version piano” – Yann Tiersen
This song is Ghost. I listened to it on repeat when writing about her time with The Boy. Her heart is captured in the flow of the piano. When Ghost was younger, she saw the film Amelie and was forever attached to the music that accompanied the story. Her story has a soundtrack as well. This song captures her sweet love for The Boy. It paints the memory of their front porch and his wiry frame, it curves around her time in the pub.
2) “Her Eyes the Stars” – Patrik Berg Almkvisth, LUCHS
The fingers dancing over the piano keys and the music call to my own heart to create lyrics for her own story. This song helped me write about the confusion I experienced during and after my stroke.
3) “Always” – Panama
Catching the bus to Seattle was filled with playlists and “Always” by Panama was on each list. This song trails after the bus, past the signs and the blurry trees and into the city of Seattle where Jude is waiting for me.
4) “Snaggletooth” – Vance Joy
This song plays to the introduction of the house that The Boy and I shared. This is after the stroke, when I sat in the bath, my body surrounded by warmth, the tiles dancing and the sound of The Boy clearing dishes in our kitchen.
5) “D.A.N.C.E.” – Maxence Cyrin
When I graduated from the University of Victoria, each of the students dressed in blue and shuffling down the hallway lined up, faced the audience, and clapped. This song also recalls memories of Sam and the hospital.
6) “Citizen of Glass” – Agnes Obel
This song I picture as a beautiful soundtrack to accompany the chapter where the Boy and I are driving down the road. Obel’s forget-me-not style tune weaving through the darkened trees and hazy sky in this dreamy vision.
7) “Someone That Loves You” – Izzy Bizu
This is Jude’s tune. We traveled to San Francisco, eyes consuming the cakey buildings, lips dressed with love, our hearts pure. The large plants, the smell of the bakery and Jude’s strong and gentle presence.
8) “Fall Underneath” – Snakadaktal
When Jude and I would drive in their sweet little car, they had a gorgeous playlist of beats. This song captures the lights of Seattle, the warm excitement of Jude’s lips and the walks from their apartment to the park.
9) “Down In The Valley” – The Head And The Heart
Ghost’s love for the boy is gently wrapped in my heart still. Both he and I are aware. When she shows me postcards of this time, this song is quietly playing. The Boy in a black sleeveless top, sipping sweetened coffee and a cigarette crunched between his fingers. Ghost is there as well, looking ahead, but caught in the past. Down below is a quiet street and the sun is shining. The sun is always shining for her and the Boy.
10) “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” – Death Cab For Cutie
In the hospital, on Ghost’s final day, she buried memories of her life and the boy in her cells, fat, and bones. Memories of the park and her lust. Herself. She promised that she would be there forever.
11) “I Have Been To The Mountain” – Kevin Morby
This is the track that plays during chapter nine, when I slip into the dream with Ghost. Her canary yellow bicycle and the church. This song swings across the landscape of her memories where we meet Druid and share a kiss, our lips stained with gin. Our memories tangled somewhere deep.
12) “Wooden Dolls” – Nico Vega
In chapter 27, Ghost tells us of her surgery, where she swims in the cherry blossom clouds, a small particle, next to the silver moon. Down below, on earth, the Boy waits, his fingers gripping onto the mood ring he had gifted her, praying to whatever gods will listen.
13) “Rabbit In The Bag” – Nico Vega
At the beginning of the memoir, we travel to Seattle to meet a woman named Sam. A quick spit of life. Sam is a gentle soul with rough edges, subdued with alcohol. I listened to this tune while traveling on the ferry from Victoria to Pier 69.
14) “Cold Little Heart” – Michael Kiwanuka
At first, I pictured Ghost with a cold little heart. Her life so separate from mine, and messy. In chapter twelve, she shows me a glimpse of her teenage years, sitting beneath the Burger King’s awning, smoking cigarettes, wistfully watching the clean ladies shuffle by, her fingers stained and her shoes waterlogged on the damp sidewalk of clean city street.
15) “I Don’t Wanna Lose You” – Tina Turner
Jude has a delicate record player which plays beautiful beats. The first album I heard played on it was Tina Turner, the queen of rock. This song walks hand in hand with my story and fits with Jude’s plush green sofa and gentle cat.
Tara Sidhoo Fraser is a queer writer and creator who lives on the unceded territories of the Musqueam, Squamish,and Tsleil-Waututh Nations (Vancouver, Canada).
A woman of South Asian and Scottish ancestry, she is split between family histories. In 2016, she graduated from the University of Victoria and has since published her stories with Autostraddle and Anathema Magazine.